Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Snake People

Dudes, I am upset. Let me tell you a story.

This last Saturday was by far the most beautiful day Seattle has seen since this year began. Blue skies, perfect temperature. It was the kind of day that made you want to go to a barbeque. Which we did. In fact, it was basically the perfect sunny day, wherein you go buzzing around from one gorgeous social engagement to another with your beautiful, witty friends, enjoying the sunshine and reparte.

Until.

Until.


(Ugh, I am still so upset about this, I have to go find a picture of something really great that will make me feel okay again. Hold on.



That's not it. I feel different but not better. Ummm... let's try this:



That's not it either. Close, but-



There we go. Okay, I'm ready to get back to the story.)


Until!! We went to Golden Gardens to meet our buddies. It was about an hour before they start kicking people out but it was still packed. It was the busiest I'd ever seen the beach this early in the year. So we were trying to park the car, and I'm scanning the lot looking for open spots, right? When I see the fucking unthinkable!! I see a man


with



a



fucking



ALBINO FUCKING PYTHON DRAPED OVER HIS FUCKING ASSHOLE IDIOT SHOULDERS!!! A FUCKING PYTHON, YOU GUYS!!!


Who does that shit?! What kind of terrible person goes to the beach on the busiest day of the year with a giant terrifying snake? Do you know how many people are scared of snakes?!! Fucking everyone, that's how many!!

I apologize for all the swears, but I have seriously never been this upset in my life. I couldn't relax the whole time we were at the beach. I kept having to look behind me to make sure the snake guy wasn't chasing me. That may sound ridiculous, but it has actually happened to me. One time a few years ago, I was walking down Third and a guy started hollering at me, "Hey, girl, lemme holler atcha!!" I looked and saw he had a snake wrapped around his arm!! A much smaller snake, but still, a snake. So I yelled, "Nuh-uh!!" and quickened my pace. But he followed me! So I started walking really, really fast. Speed-walking, basically. But he kept pace! So I started running!! And he did too!! He chased me for like, two blocks before he gave up!!! It was awful, guys. So you see, my fears were founded in experience.

I don't even know how to deal with this shit. Some people are just horrible. That guy really crapped in my oatmeal.

Post a picture in the comments that will make me feel better about this world.

12 comments:

Garrett said...

A cat. A theremin..

Chelsea said...

wow, that really worked.

garrett, i know that you are busy, but it is time for you to start a blog, dun.

Garrett said...

I'm trying to get this one started, but I've been pretty neglectful so far.

Chelsea said...

do it!


man, I am having one of those weeks where if i say i want something to happen, it just seems to magically appear.

Joshua said...

I'm casting a level three protection spell on you and yours. Blessed be!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v737/chupacabra77/id456491_size1.jpg

Chelsea said...

ha!!

I kind of want that pentagon trivet for my kitchen.

Caralee said...

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg45/caraleemcelroy/IMG_0654.jpg

http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg45/caraleemcelroy/IMG_0655.jpg

monique said...

CRAP IN YOUR OATMEAL! That is some funny shit. But that snake stuff is jacked up. This girl next door in the dorm used to "babysit" her boyfriend's snake. Once she had an out-of-town friend visiting and I reached out to shake the girl's hand as we were being introduced. Then the voice of God told me to look down. "Spike" was wrapped around the girl's wrist. I excused myself, went to my room and called my mama.

Chelsea said...

snake people are fucked up, mo. i cannot believe that girl did that to you.

RCH said...

This did it for me today

http://i31.tinypic.com/2n5851.jpg

My favorite artist

robot said...

You are such a wuss! I would be LOVIN' that spectacle!

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