Tuesday, April 29, 2008

All One!!

I am highly suspicious of the beauty industry. Let's take mascara, for instance. Do they really expect me to believe that mascara scientists have made a revolutionary discovery every three months, for the last, like forever? One month it's a polyamide (or what the fuck ever) in the formula, then it's all about some curling agent bullshit, and then they're literally trying to sell me on a magic wand. It's exhausting, and extends across the industry. Will someone please tell me what the fuck a "body ribbon" is supposed to be? I have an entire cabinet in my bathroom full of half used products, mostly body washes and lotions, bearing various promises of silky skin and whatnot.

Problematically, I am also very, very gullible. Add my natural curiosity to this mix and we have an explanation for the probable hundreds of dollars I have spent on faddish beauty products over the years. Maybe even thousands. Ugh. I'm kind of bumming myself out.

But I'm working it out, you guys!! And I have a plan! I am currently experimenting with Dr Bronner's Magic Soap.



According to the Doc, his soap can be used for the whole body, including hair and teeth. I'm leaving my teeth out of this, because I really love my toothpaste, but I'm gonna use it on everything else and see what happens! While I've been using it on my body for months, yesterday I used it as my shampoo and face wash as well, and I gotta say, dudes, I look pretty good. Also, it was the easiest shower ever. I only had one bottle to focus on. And focus I did!! Have you ever read the shit written on the Dr. Bronner's label? I love it!! My favorite parts:

"Breathe deeply! Health is Wealth. Within 9 minutes you feel fresh and clean, saving 90% of your hot water and soap, ready to help teach the whole Human race the Moral ABC of All-One-God-Faith! For we're ALL-ONE OR NONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE! ALL-ONE!"

"ENJOY BODY RUB TO STIMULATE BODY MIND-SOUL-SPIRIT AND TEACH THE ESSENE MORAL ABC UNITING ALL FREE IN THE SHEPHERD-ASTRONOMER ISRAEL'S GREATEST ALL-ONE-GOD-FAITH!"

Sure! Why not?

I made a diagram of why I like this soap.



On a similar note, I am currently fascinated with the concept of one product for all my moisturizing needs. Kiehl's recently came out with this little wonder:



I tried it out on my hands and it was awesome. Also, it has a delightful citrusy smell that I would not mind having all over my body. Very springtime appropriate. When wearing a sundress, one should also smell like a lemon. Fact.

However, I am understandably sketched out by the price, and I'm not entirely sure that I believe in "dry oil." So. I'm gonna go take a shower with Dr Bronner's soap, and then I'm gonna just use almond oil on my body and face and see what happens. Wish me luck!

5 comments:

Erin said...

i'm all about one soap to rule them all, my personal routine is olive oil soap for the face and bod (i bet i could do it for my hair, but i went for the full chelsea and don't have a whole lot) and then i use olive oil as a moisturizer for the bod. i will admit the occasional cetaphil for face and acne soap for zits, but it's pretty streamlined. I found the all bronners to be a little drying after continuous use.

Chelsea said...

when i first read that, i was like, "what the hell is a full me? but then i realized you meant your haircut. oi!!

so far so good, man. i used almond oil on my face today and it was way better than the clinique stuff i've been using for years.

Jacob said...

When I was backpacking in Central America (I know, what a douche way of starting a comment), I brought a bottle of Doctor Bronners tea tree soap along thinking I could just use it for all the shit I needed for the whole trip. But after two weeks it had somehow turned my hair into this crazy waxy rat's nest that I couldn't even run a comb through. Then I stole some crappy off-brand Mexican shampoo and it rinsed all the buildup out of my hair. May be I was doing it wrong?

Chelsea said...

gross.

Joshua said...

I must try this soap.

I too am exhausted (read: thrilled) with the beauty industry. I spend hours grooming myself and am now scrubbed, polished, plucked within an inch of my gorgeous little life. It's so taxing.