Eat It Up With A Spoon

So, I have this tendency to ignore my stomach. I'll know I'm hungry for, like, an hour and won't do anything about it. Not out of some weird self-denial eating-disordery thing, but sheer laziness (I'm actually doing it right now). Then, by the time I decide to fix something to eat I am a whiny, stupid mess, due to my blood sugar being abysmally low. Landon can tell you about it. It's super-annoying, and probably one of my worst traits.

In order to counteract this, I try to have some food I've already prepared waiting for me in the fridge. That way, when I am starving but totally unable to cook because my brain is shutting down, I can just grab some delicious little whatever, and go back to being a semi-functional adult. And today, I'm gonna share the recipe for one of my delicious little whatevers!! Let's call it, umm,

Chelsea's Awesome Tuna Salad!!

Okay! You will need:

3 normal-sized cans of tuna, or 1 really big one
1 can x-large black olives
capers
green beans or asparagus
black beans (cooked)
dijon mustard
apple cider vinegar
olive oil
couscous or potatoes. or neither. it's your call. (Whoa, I just realized why I never write down recipes. Let's just call this an outline, then.)

So. Take a sealable container that will fit all this stuff (I like Pyrex) and dump your tuna, which you have already drained well, into the container. Add some dijon mustard, apple cider vinegar and olive oil. I don't know how much I use, because I never measure. Maybe don't use too much mustard because it makes your nose feel crazy, yadaddamean? Oh!! Also, I like to use basil-infused olive oil for extra yumminess.


Mix all that stuff up and then start adding in the olives. I like to get the whole ones and break them up with my fingers. This is partly because I like to pop about every fourth olive into my mouth, but also I like to be really excessively intimate with my food. I've had a couple buddies observe that when I'm eating I stare my food down in a somewhat sexual way. I have also been told that I fondle my sandwiches. My hope is that my behavior is more charming than disgusting, but really there's nothing I can do about it, so fuck it.

Now you're gonna add the capers and black beans. You'll probably wanna use canned black beans, in which case just use half the can. As for the capers, it really depends on how much you like capers.


The green beans!! I have weird food allergies (no raw anything ever) so I use frozen green beans that I cook and cool before adding, but I bet raw or lightly steamed green beans would be delicious. Also, maybe some tasty little cherry tomatoes. Sometimes instead of the green beans I use asparagus, which is totally in season right now. Maybe throw in some parboiled potatoes, depending on your current relationship with carbohydrates. I bet broccoli would be good in this, too. God, I love vegetables.



Okay! So! Everything's mixed up all cozy, and all you need to do now is salt and pepper it. I like to serve it over couscous, because that shit cooks in two minutes, and sometimes I need a break from whole wheat pasta, which I eat every single day. If you make this let me know how it goes.

I have to go eat right now, I am freaking out.