You know the drill. Let's do this!
I am an infamous killer of plants. In the last few years, I have killed a coleus plant (his name was Ebenezer), a rosemary (Buddy), some other plants I didn't bother to name, and even seriously endangered a Jade plant, which is basically impossible. I've tried everything, from plant food to singing the inanimate little fuckers showtunes, but to no avail. The only exception is my tiny mint plant, Minty, who has seemed to die and then come back tinier than ever no less than four times. That dude is a phoenix.
My mom says I am a terrible gardener because I'm too self-absorbed to keep plants alive, to which I say:
1. That's cold, Mom. Cold.
2. You're probably right.
3. The real problem here is that plants are silent. If they would just make a noise when they want something, I would be more than happy to help them. Help me help you, is what I'm saying.
I give up. But maybe there is a technology that can help me!
Wow, I just realized how funny that name is. That explains why they haven't really taken off the way they should. Carrying on.
GroBalls are pots that water the plant for you. And they come in cute colors. Okay? I can't think of anything else to say right now, that name is way too distracting.
2. Lunchbox Laboratory
Holy shit, you guys. This place is so serious. Me and the dude went there last night. They close at 5, and we got there at 5:02, but lucky for us, the owner/chef, Scott Simpson is totally dedicated to getting a burger into your mouth and let us order for take-out. The menu is totally overwhelming. Observe:
If you choose to build your own burger, that is the mess you have to tangle with. Not wanting to try our luck, we ordered one of the "experiments", or pre-designed burgers. It happened so fast, I can't remember what it was called, but it was their beef patty, which is like 5 different meats mixed together, goat cheese, and carmelized balsamic onions.
IT. WAS. INCREDIBLE. Words can't even come close.
As the dude put it, "This burger tastes how blowjobs feel."
3.My new headphones
With these headphones I can hear things I've never heard before in music I've listened to a thousand times. I feel like any other headphones I've used in the past were disrespectful to the people who make my favorite music. Don't worry, I already sent the RZA a letter of apology.
4.Girl Talk's Feed The Animals
So, I knew I would have problems getting my ass to New York in the first place, but I didn't realize that once I got there, brand new problems would present themselves in the form of the Subway System. Them shits were like an anxiety supergroup! It's above ground! It's below ground! It goes under a fucking river! Dudes. All it needed was some snakes and an Ebola outbreak and it would have encompassed every single irrational fear I have ever had. But I had a secret weapon. Girl Talk.
When I listen to Girl Talk, my brain is too busy following all the samples (300 on this particular album) to freak out about some nonsense. So now I just listen to it all the time. I'm listening to it right now.
5. This picture
Ha! Have fun dudes!!