Friday, December 19, 2008

Then He Should Have Armed Himself

I just watched The Strangers and I have a theory. People talk about how black folks yell at the screen during horror movies. I think I might know why: When one lives in a crap neighborhood, and has to get used to the idea that someone may attack you for one reason or another at any given time, one starts figuring out ways to deal with this and behaves accordingly. So then, when that person is watching a movie where the main characters keep doing everything the opposite way one should in order to stay alive, it gets frustrating. Thus the yelling.

Because horror movie protagonists are usually middle class whites who do not live under constant threat, it would seem that they have not developed these skills. I would like to offer them some tips.
For example:
1. If you think someone is even possibly trying to kill you, DO NOT put down your weapon. EVER.
2. The person who is trying to kill you might not come from the direction you are facing. So LOOK IN OTHER DIRECTIONS. If it is dark out and I am walking even just from the end of the block to my apartment building, I do a quick spin to see what is going on IN ALL DIRECTIONS at least every five seconds. I probably look crazy, but I am crazy and alive, so fuck it.
3. If you have the option of not being alone, DO NOT BE ALONE. In other words, don't split up. You will die, I promise.
4. If you find a gun, start shooting. Don't wait for something crazy to happen, just start shooting. Jesus.

Okay. I feel better now. That movie really tried my patience.



Callie said...

That movie made me so unbelievably angry. Like, as soon as soon-to-be-ex gets back from doing your bidding at the cigarette store - LEAVE. That bitch has already been at your door twice. Are you fucking crazy? Your cell phone DISAPPEARED. That means you are not alone. LEAVE, YOU DUMB BITCHES.

writing research papers said...

I think the film revolves around a young couple who are terrorized by three masked assailants, who break into the remote summer home in which they are staying and damage all means of escape.